


"I've never..."

by Shikaree



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Drinking Games, One Shot, Other, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 10:33:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7570789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shikaree/pseuds/Shikaree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A drinking game of "I've never..." will always lead to embarrassment the morning after.<br/>At least it wasn't truth or dare, I guess.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"I've never..."

**Author's Note:**

> Just a silly one-shot :)

As soon as I stepped foot into the deserted hall and Gimli thrust a shot of what smelt like brandy in my hand, I knew this was going to be a bad idea. Whatever ‘this’ was. Aragorn and Legolas were sat next to each other in a gloomy corner out of view of the main entrance, three more shot glasses and a large bottle of deep brown liquor on the table in front of them. Aaragorn smiled mischievously and waved me over.

“What is going on?” I asked with trepidation, taking a seat opposite him.

“Don’t drink it yet” Aragorn said, and then shrugged. “Actually, one won’t make much of a difference considering what’s in store, so forget that.”

He giggled and I narrowed my eyes at him.

“How many have you had?”

“A few.”

“Five” Legolas supplied and gave me a look of sympathy.

“Great. You’re going to make me suffer too huh boss?”

Aragorn gave me a thumbs up and winked. I sighed and turned to Gimli perched beside me.

“This is your fault isn’t it.”

“We were jus’ havin’ some fun.”

“And what is this for?” I ask, waving my untouched brandy in his face.

“Our next game ‘course!” Gmili grinned.

I groaned, it was going to be one of _those_ nights.

“What is it this time, not truth or dare I hope.”

“Something faaaaaar better” he drawled.

“It is?”

“Aye, they call it ‘Ive never...’.”

“Oh for the love of -”

“You’re gonna get so drunk” Aragorn said, bursting into another fit of giggles, to which Legolas just raised an eyebrow.

“I’ll start” Gimli said, “I’ll keep the drinks topped up, don’t ye worry lassie. Right. I’ve never...kissed an elf.”

We all drank except Gimli, which was no surprise. The drink tasted terrible, Gimli had definitely spiked it with something else. Too late now, I thought, my turn.

“I’ve never kissed a dwarf.”

Gimli drank alone and Legolas laughed.

“Poor Gimli, but having seen how hairy the men _and_ the women are, can you blame us?!”

“Aww.” I leant over and planted my lips on Gimli’s beardy cheek before downing my drink.

“Now ye’ve felt the beard, ye know there’s nothin’ to be feared” he said conspiratorially.

“Ugh, that’s terrible” objected Aragorn and I had to nod my head in agreement.

“Pfft, tell that to me missus” Gimli pouted.

“My turn” said Aragorn, “I’ve never jumped from a lover’s window.”

We all drank except Aragorn who shot me a look of disbelief.

“What, really?!”

“Don’t want to talk about it” I muttered, feeling my cheeks flush with heat.

“I’ll get it out of you one day.”

You’re my boss and my friend, but that’s not going to happen” I assured.

I glared at Legolas.

“Your turn.”

“I’ve never... woken up drunk without pants, and found myself tied to a tree.”

Aragorn and I cast him a suspicious glance as Gimli refilled our glasses.

“You knew!” Aragorn hissed.

“I did not. But, both of you- really? I’ll get it out of you one day.”

“Never!” we both protested in unison and cackled with laughter.

“I’ve...hmm...I’ve never had more than one at a time” Gimli said, waggling his thick eyebrows.

Legolas and I both drank, and he looked at me in surprise. I winked at him and for a second I could have sworn that I saw a flash of pink across his fair cheeks.

“Depraved!” Gimli japed with a hint of jealousy, and Aragorn simply snorted.

“Fine. I’ve never turned my underwear inside out so that I could wear them for longer” I said.

All three drained their glasses and I sneered at them with disgust.

“You guys are really something else.”

“What are we supposed to do?” whined Aragorn.

“Same as I do.”

“And what’s that?” Legolas enquired with genuine curiosity.

“I go without, of course.”

Gimli chortled and clapped me on the back hard, Aragorn went crimson and Legolas gaped with his mouth opening and shutting like a fish pulled from water.

“Dirty minds the lot of you. Matches your filthy underwear I guess” I said as primly as I could muster.

“I’ve never had a same sex relationship or fling.”

Legolas drank. Elves were more liberal than us I guess. Gimli huffed in disappointment.

“I though you might have” he said to me.

“What?! Why?”

“Mental pictures” Aragorn chimed in.

“I like cock, why would I - ” I shook my head. “You know what, never mind.”

“I’ve never run through a public place naked” Legolas stated.

All of us bar Legolas drank to that one.

“Gimli!” I teased. “A closet exhibitionist, huh.”

“Twas the mornin’ after a _very_ heavy night before.”

“Best keep your trousers safe tonight then” joked Legolas. Gimli straightened and fixed him with a steady gaze.

“Doubt the ladies would mind seein’ somethin’ so manly, thick and girthy for a change.”

“Oh my” I spluttered.

“Mental pictures” chimed Aragorn again, and we all lost control at that.

Once recovered it was time for another round. I was already going to have a severe headache come sunrise.

“I’ve never dressed up in women’s clothin’.”

Aragorn drank alone. He looked at me pointedly and I gave him a sweet smile.

“I’m a Ranger. I dress in male gear all the time, but when have you ever seen me in a dress?”

“Never” he grumbled in defeat.

“Marok’s birthday?” I questioned, and Aragorn nodded despondently. I wish I’d seen that, I thought. “I’ve never ridden an Elk!”

No-one drank.

“What?!” I exclaimed at Legolas.

“My father does not allow anyone but himself to ride his elk, he is extremely protective of the beast.”

“Well, that’s a washout.”

Gimli patted my shoulder sympathetically.

“I’ve never stolen anything.”

Gimli, Legolas and I downed our drinks. Aragorn tutted and looked pointedly at each of us in turn.

“A horse” I said.

“A wheel of cheese and a golden statue of a dragon” boasted Gimli.

“Someone’s heart” confessed Legolas.

“That’s corny” smirked Aragorn.

“But true. I led someone on and should have known better, but it was a long time ago.”

“Meh, everyone fancies you Legolas” I mumbled. Did I really just say that aloud?

“Oh?”

His bright azure eyes met mine and I felt myself blush again. Damn him and his toned, lithe body and his...

“Argh! Shut up. Who was next?”

Legolas chuckled.

“That would be me” he answered.

“Shit.”

“Eloquent” said Aragorn entirely unhelpfully and I flipped him the bird. Legolas was still looking at me thoughtfully.

“I’ve never...” he paused and gave a predatory smile, “I’ve never fancied Legolas.”

“That’s not fair!” I objected.

“There are no rules lassie” hiccupped Gimli, pushing his glass aside and daring me to make a move.

“I hate you all” I said and swallowed my brandy to the sound of all three of them roaring with laughter. I pushed my chair away from the table and staggered to my feet.

“Buggered if I’m doing another round, and you Aragorn...” I wavered an unsteady finger at him, “You better not drink anymore. I will not be forced to endure your grouchy, hungover self in training tomorrow. I’m looking at you Gimli, seeing as he’s already pretty blitzed.”

Gimli skilfully avoided meeting my drunken, accusatory glare.

“Why do I even... just make sure he drinks water at least before he passes out.”

A firm hand gripped my arm.

“I’ll see you to your room” Legolas whispered in my ear.

His hot breath tickled against my neck and a faint, involuntary moan escaped me.

“You’re not going to let me forget tonight are you” I complained as he led me stumbling across the hall and out to the corridor.

“Why would I?” he answered gleefully.

“How are you not even a little tipsy?”

“Elven magic” was his reply and he looked particularly smug. Both of them did.

Suddenly we were standing outside of my guest room, well, Legolas was standing and I was propping up against him.

“This is going to hurt in a few hours” I sighed.

“Then maybe this will make you feel a little better for it.”

“Huh? Oh - ”

Soft lips brushed sensually against mine before pressing in for a kiss. I felt him smile and when he pulled away his eyes glinted with unspoken promise.

“Until training” Legolas said with amusement and I cursed.

Gimli and his bloody drinking games- I really should know better.


End file.
